Emotional mastery and the traffic light of three states: Harnessing the power of Polyvagal theory to overcome stress

In the Polyvagal theory, the further division of the parasympathetic nervous system into the dorsal and ventral parts is significant.

Both parts can lower the heart rate and reduce defensive reactions, but they do so in very different ways. The ventral part calms the system more slowly and gradually, while the dorsal part is activated in really extreme situations when the nervous system perceives a life threat. At this point, the person is in shock, frozen, and in extreme cases may collapse and become unconscious.

At the same time, the ventral part is also responsible for our first and evolutionarily latest defense strategy when we perceive danger. For such a response, we need to feel safe and accepted. When we perceive a danger, this system is activated in such a way that we assess the degree of danger by observing and listening, and still manage to express our emotional state through our facial expressions. At the same time, we stay in touch and connect with others. We are socially engaged.

When social engagement hasn't been successful, or when arousal in response to neuroception of threat is greater and we no longer feel safe and accepted, the sympathetic part of the nervous system is activated and enables mobilization of the musculoskeletal system. At this moment, we are ready to fight with threat or flight away from it. We jump from green to yellow.

Problems usually arise when stress is too high, too intense, or lasts too long, when we are dealing with a traumatic event, or when certain stressors put pressure on old unresolved traumas. If we have not processed these traumatic events in the past in a healthy way, the trauma remains unresolved in our body and the body is just waiting for the next opportunity.

In these cases, the body overreacts to relatively "harmless stressors" and we react with one of three stress responses: Flight, Fight, or Freeze. We end up in the yellow or red zone or even, which happens very often, somewhere in between.

When we're dealing with unresolved trauma, we can live in a frozen state for months or even years, and that's not so "unusual" for us. We are simply used to it.

If the above (green) description of feelings in stress-free situations is just a distant memory for you, or if it seems to you that these feeling states don't exist at all, there's a good chance that you have been caught between yellow and red for a long time.

But how do we get from these yellow and red states back to the green state?

When we are in yellow, we have to be careful not to slip into red. In yellow we are dealing with emotions such as anxiety, fear, panic, frustration, anger or rage. As soon as we try to hide, mask or otherwise suppress these emotions, we pave the way for red. When we try to express these emotions, for example, finding the right intensity of anger and directing it toward the right target, we are on the path to green.

However, we usually need a good partner to do this. All these emotions have their roots in relationships, and when we express them in relationships and are seen and accepted, we slide towards green. Remember that the most important characteristic of being green state is social engagement.

When we are left alone with all these emotions, we usually slide into the red state.

What about all those who have been in the red state for a long time?

The first step is to become aware and observe what is happening in the body. The first obstacle is often rationalization. We are confronted with situations due to which our body has been staying in the red state for a long time, but we still tell ourselves and think that everything is fine. Therefore, it's very useful and important to pay attention the moment we notice one of the conditions described in red.

Another important realization is that the way from red to green is through yellow. The way out of immobility and the frozen state is through movement. We need to get moving. But it is important to know that breathing, various specific movement exercises, tackling or kicking usually brings us out of the frozen state into the fight or flight state first. This brings us back to the yellow state and there we encounter anxiety, fear, panic, frustration, anger or rage.

If we try to hide, mask or otherwise suppress these emotions, we will be pushed back into the red state. Facing these emotions and working with them is the path to the green state.

Of course, dealing with these emotions is anything but easy. On the contrary, most of the time it's something quite difficult. If it were easy, we wouldn't have this problem in the first place and we could quickly return to the green state. At this point, people are confronted with their most stubborn and persistent inner demons. Demons from which they have tried to escape for a long time.

In this process, people need a lot of courage, because it usually requires a lot of work and a good companion, because the cure for a frozen state is a suitable attachment to a person whom we trust and who can bring us back to proper social interaction in a healthy and safe way.

Therefore, it is extremely important for psychotherapists to know these states and how to navigate between them. This, of course, starts with ourselves and how successfully we deal with these states because that's the only way we can teach and help others.

Knowing where you are on the traffic light is key! Once you know where you are, all you need further are the tools to move between the states.

There are many tools, especially once you have a clear direction. To name just a few of the essential tools:

This is also one of the reasons why the relationship between a psychotherapist and a person seeking help is absolutely privileged over all other techniques. A trusting relationship is the most important tool! You have to have a relationship with a therapist in which you can express things that you cannot express anywhere else. Feelings of shame, anger and rage, sexual feelings, anything that makes you totally panic about expressing it in front of others. This is also why there's no magic wand or magic pill in psychotherapy and psychotherapy is a long-term process. You just need time to build and develop a good relationship. Period.

Of course, a partner or a good friend can help you with this, sometimes animals, nature, the earth or God can help too. Anything that you can build a safe and confidential relationship with.

Many people think that anger and the expression of anger is a bad thing, but allowing ourselves to be angry can show us where our healthy boundaries are and where other people are crossing those boundaries. Anger can be the first indication that we have left our safe zone and need to find our boundaries again. On the other hand, anger can also give us the much needed energy to jump over a particular obstacle and go into battle. We need to know that anger is a directed emotion, so we need a target, which means we need a relationship again. But anger must not be our goal. When we direct our anger to the right target and do it with the appropriate intensity, we get closer to ourselves. Then, if we are seen and accepted, the door to the green state is wide open. The goal is to encourage the expression of emotions and thereby allow grounded feelings, serenity, calmness in relationships, connection, curiosity and openness to emerge.

Slow and deliberate movements are often important and focus on sensations and feelings in the body. This is especially important for people who have been in a frozen state for a while. Various specific movement exercises, breathing, slow kicking or pushing will bring a person out of a frozen state and into a fight or flight state. At such moments, we can feel tremendous bursts of energy in the body, and it is not uncommon to feel either tremendous anger or great panic. When we combine these specific movement exercises with awareness in conversations with a therapist, we can fundamentally change the emotional and behavioral responses to traumatic memories that we have deeply inscribed in the body.

okay. Feelings give us a quick orientation of where we are on the traffic light. If we give them attention and focus and do something with our feelings in the sense of moving toward the green state, our bodies will thank us.

Breathing is the only automatic process that can be consciously controlled very quickly. When we slow down our breathing, we slow down the heart. And vice versa. This is why breathing exercises, various grounding exercises, and meditation work! In short, anything that gets you more in touch with yourself or others in the here and now is basically aimed at the green state.

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Polyvagal theory describes the three different parts of our autonomic nervous system and how they relate to our response to stress and threatening situations. The theory states that we have a hierarchy of bodily responses, starting with a state of "social engagement" where we feel safe, moving to a state of "fight or flight", and ending with the oldest defensive response of "freezing" or collapsing.

The autonomic nervous system constantly monitors danger and controls various bodily functions, and the result of this process is called neuroception. This is a "perception" of the nervous system that decides which part of the autonomic nervous system should be activated at a given moment.

In the Polyvagal theory, the parasympathetic nervous system is further divided into the dorsal and ventral parts, which play an essential role in regulating our response to stress.

Once we know the physical characteristics of the states described, we can also understand our psychological and emotional responses, as well as our (non) reactions in stressful situations. Fear, anger and helplessness can be indicators of the state we are in.

Knowing where we are is key. Once we know where we are, we just need ways to move between individual states. The most important of these are:

1. A trusting relationship where we feel safe and accepted.

2. Working with anger

3. Body movement and specific movement expression

4. Normalizing what we feel

5. Breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation, sports in nature, yoga, martial arts, a walk in the woods, massage, energy work, psychotherapy, GROUNDING EXERCISES...